If Monkeys Ruled the World

Rants — March 7, 2004 @ 6:20 am

This planet we live on seems to get more bizarre every new week. There are so many absurdities to discuss that I do not even know where to start. Perhaps the most amazing series of incidents in the news of late has been out of Haiti, an impoverished nation sitting next to the Dominican Republic on a shared island. As you probably already know, rebel factions have just driven the erstwhile president, Jean-Bertrand Aristide out of power. But frankly I am perplexed and thoroughly flummoxed at everything that has happened since then. I read a verbatim report of an interview he had with a media outlet shortly after arriving in the Central African Republic. “I was told that to avoid bloodshed I better leave … this is modern way to have modern kidnapping.” I really, really want to believe that this man was just trying to manipulate the media, yet I have so much trouble doing so: the only other explanation for the words coming out of this man’s mouth is that he is extremely stupid. Yet the liberals, absolutely giddy about a new prop in the agenda to bash George Bush to a bloody pulp, greedily gobbled up Aristide’s words as fact and began to immediately decry the American “overthrow” of a “democracy”. As for Aristide, his hosts in the CAR are getting quite embarassed by their guest and his noisemaking — so much that they have decided to shut him up altogether. Well, I guess the liberals would call that one a blow to free speech and part of the conservative imperialist agenda to repress the black man.

It’s hard to tell which is more mind-boggling — the possible fact that Aristide was too stupid to realize that the rebels were about to invade his palace and massacre his poor soul, and that if the US had not stepped in he would be history, or that so many people actually believe he was “kidnapped” and “overthrown” by the US government (of course, Bush could never win this one: if he had done nothing, he would be accused of insensitivity and imperialist selfishness and ultimately blamed for the ensuing bloodbath in Port Au Prince; if he had sent in troops early to help crush the rebellion, “there he goes again meddling in other nations’ affairs and warmongering”). Of course, nobody really cares that this guy was a brutal, repressive dictator who violently suppressed his opposition with an elite force of sinister henchmen, whether they were university students and rectors or successful businessmen. The reaction on the NigeriaWorld message board is even more perplexing. One of these fellows actually proposed raising a compulsory “universal black development tax” that would be imposed on every black man walking the face of the earth, and would be used to raise an army and economic force that would supposedly withstand the white man and his imperialist antics. Preliminary donations would be through the Red Cross. And approximately 15 replies later, there was nothing but whole-hearted agreement. I was flabbergasted, resolving never to post to that board again.

Do people even use their minds to think anymore these days? My head hurts…

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Copyright © Ibukun Olumuyiwa 2007.